DEPRESSED & NAIVERead Now
It was 2015 when I started noticing that my weight was rising AND just how much I was putting into relationships while getting nothing, even close, back from them.
Before my son was born, I never weighed more than 120 pounds, but here I was clearly approaching 225! I never had a real issue with food, so I knew the weight gain had more to do with the anxiety and depression I was feeling and the affects of that.
Because I was in a 'functioning depressive' state, I was still able to go out into the world and get things done but I was miserable on the inside. I was still able to hold down a fairly new job, continue with college courses, and be the best mother I could be but being this depressed made me feel lazy--so much so I barely did anything other than lay around most days. That is, until my girlfriends wanted to do things. Those times were when I felt the happiest!
At least for awhile...
I was never extremely close with any one person in my family. My family is very large—particularly, my mother’s side. My mother was a half-sibling to all of her sisters and brothers. She had some on her mom’s side and just as many on her father’s side. Add those aunts, uncles, and their kids, along with those on my dad’s side, and, well... as I said, my family is huge!😜 I have three first cousins that I have always enjoyed spending time with, yet still, neither of these relationships have been extremely close. Because of this, I always drifted more towards the friendships that I established outside of my family.
I have always been a friendly person so making friends was never an issue. Keeping them or letting them go was always the drama...
I tried to hang on to fake friends that loved me when it was just convenient for them or whenever I did whatever they wanted me to do....and close friends that I knew were negatively talking about me, and the follower friends that always had my back—that is, until they saw the opportunity to backstab me for their own gain and, finally, the best friends that loved me until jealousy took over or until I began to tell them no and started questioning their character. I also tried to hang on to some family members that, not only judged me, but also were unsupportive and persecuted me for being someone other than what they expected me to be.
Seems like over the years, my naivety allowed me to see ONLY the good in people, and loyalty had pushed me to continue to hang onto these toxic family and “friends” that were not good for me.
I do not know how much you know about astrology but I'll start by just saying that I am a full blown Aquarius!
If you've read it about an Aquarius, nine times out of ten, the statement is probably true about me lol.
That means, I love to be around people just as much as I love to be alone. It means, I am emotional but most people never see that side (and quite often assume it doesn't exist). It means that I never try to read someone's mind or guess at what a person means. It is my expectation that an adult can/will explain what they want me to know or need from me. It means I am logical. I am always analyzing. And I mean what I say. I care for humanity. I am nonjudgmental. I am gracious. And when presented with someone else's feelings, I am sensitive and caring. However, I am aware that I can also be impatient, aloof (in/with questionable situations and people), carefree (which I've heard comes across as unconcerned sometimes), and unpredictable.
Because I'm aware of my gifts and weaknesses, I’ve always tried to view people with an open heart.💛 Attempting to keep, what I call, 'God’s blueprint'--I love everyone and allow everyone the same grace that I would want shown to me.
But as we all have had happen... people try to take advantage of what you give.
So by spring 2015, I had began praying a simple prayer. 🙏🏾 “God, please allow those that should be in my life to remain here and please remove those that should have only been here for a season or mean me more harm than good. Amen.”
I said this prayer daily for several months and then, in 2016... my relationships really began to shift....
11/11/2022 08:40:02 pm
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi All!! My name is Buena Williams. Born and raised in North Carolina by two loving parents. I have only one brother and a host of other family members. I am a Certified Life Coach, currently pursuing also, a masters degree in professional counseling at Liberty University. In addition to life coaching and going to school full-time, I am also a Mental Health Advocate. In this role, I assist people with all their mental health concerns, ranging from benefits and claims, to locating the right level of care, including counseling, facility based care, or behavioral therapy. I am also the founder of the QUEENingMovement, an organization that offers support, encouragement and advocacy for the growth and achievement of women. Last but not least, I am the mother of a teenage son, whom I play basketball mom and mom-ager to his recent modeling career.
I enjoy learning, crafting, fashion, music, board games, and yoga. I am very much an ambivert, so where I love interacting with people, I equally enjoy having my personal alone time.
My personal statement: Own your story, be authentic and love yourself through it all.
My personal goal: To be the brave woman that I needed to know as a girl.
My favorite quote: Be stronger than your excuse.